1. Never win too much. Make sure you lose regularly. People "like" losers. It's much easier too be supportive of the "loser" than it is the "winner".
2. For goodness sake don't have a good breeding program. If you produce good dogs on a regular basis people will pick apart your breeding and then tell you later "how far you've come from when you started". Of course they will forget all the dogs you've finished because you couldn't possibly have a breeding program as good as theirs.
3. Do not have an opinion. Not on anything. Not even the weather. People do not like people who have opinions. Especially if your opinion might be right. If someone asks your opinion ask them what they had for lunch.
4. Always remember that AKC Judges are God. Kiss their butts regularly. Tell them how good they look. Ask them if they've lost weight or if they have been on vacation because that tan they are sporting just makes them look so healthy.
5. If you are interested in your National Breed Club join it before anyone knows who you are. And once you join make sure you volunteer to do anything from parking cars to picking up dog poop. Just do it and smile and let the Clubs use you until you think you have nothing left to give and then go volunteer for more.
6. Always support every request for donations. Give these people money until you realize that you've reached into your pockets so much that you now have holes in them.
7. Do not ever discuss another dog with another single individual. Not even your mother. People do not like people who can critique a dog and do it in a way that references their breed standard. So do not on penalty of death ever say a word about any other dog. If anyone asks you just smile and tell them that it was the most impressive dog you have ever seen even as it's limping out of the show ring.
8. Do not make friends. This is the primary rule of survival in the this sport. So keep this one close to you at all times because even the people you believe to be your friends will grab a wet towel and twist it up and snap you on the butt just too keep you in line.
9. Do not even think that you know how to groom your dogs. Do not even dare to advise anyone how to groom a dog. If someone asks lie to them and tell them you just throw them in the bathtub and let them dry off on their own and then just shake your head a lot. Then shrug your shoulders and act like you are a complete imbecile when it comes to grooming. If they comment on how good the dog looks thank them and say you don't know how it happened and you wished it happened more often.
10. And the primary rule is never tell the truth. Lie as often as you can to anyone who will listen. Tell them exactly what they want to hear so that when they walk away from you they are smiling and telling everyone else how smart you are to realize how smart they are.
11. Never ever ever let anyone think that you have come all the way in this sport on your own. Give everyone else the credit for your success and stand there like you have your thumb up your butt while you blow the hot air up their skirt. No one likes anyone who succeeds on their own so pretend like you owe everybody for your achievements. Heck act like they were in the maternity ward when you were born.
Keep all those rules and then just smile a lot and nod at everyone and you'll end up being treated like the smartest person in your breed and the village idiot at the same time.
No comments:
Post a Comment